If you have a mutually dependent relative, it can prompt an extreme relational peculiarity. Fortunately, you can improve the situation by establishing loving boundaries that are firm and firm at the same time and, if necessary, putting some distance between you and that person. It could require a little investment, yet we're hanging around for you, and on the off chance that you're patient you may very well have the option to make something happen with your relative!
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| Our Life - Dealing - with - a dependent - Family - member |
1
First, try to connect with your family
Examine the origins of the codependent individual. You shouldn't think that you have to put up with
emotional manipulation in any way. However, it is essential to recognize that a
codependent individual may not be aware that they are manipulating you. They
believe that they are frequently assisting you and acting in your best
interest. You can determine how you want to interact with your family members
by determining whether a person is or is not intentionally attempting to
manipulate you
• Do not use
this to attempt to mentally justify their actions. Simply keep in mind that a
codependent person is not thinking the same way you are. A mental health issue
is guiding their actions.
2
Consider whether you are affecting the mutually dependent way of
behaving
Do you make any kind of contribution? Now and again, codependency can be an overcompensating response to someone else's way of behaving. Ask yourself honestly if you're participating in any activities or behaviors that could be fueling a family member's codependency.
· For
instance, addicts' parents and spouses frequently exhibit codependency. Because
of their fear of what would happen if they didn't take care of the addict, the
codependent person may feel an unending obligation to do so.
· Ponder
whether you have ways of behaving and propensities that may be taken care of
into a mutually dependent individual's ways of behaving. Provided that this is
true, you might be essential for a mutually dependent relationship.
3
Look into mutually dependent ways of behaving
You need to know what codependency looks like to
recognize it. Finding an
opportunity to teach yourself won't possibly assist you with checking whether
your relative fits the portrayal, however, it will likewise assist you with
figuring out their psychological state. Codependency can only be diagnosed by a
mental health professional, but some telltale signs include:
·
low
self-esteem
·
constant
people-pleasing
·
little
to no boundaries
· Taking care of oneself as a means of control
· painful
emotions
4
Comprehend that you can't fix them
- Don't expect your family member to see their behavior as codependent if they haven't already come to that conclusion on their own. They may not even recognize it as a problem and instead think that they are getting along just fine with you and the other members of your family.
· Attempting
to persuade your family members to accept your point of view may only
exacerbate the situation.
· There
is psychotherapy treatment available. However, until they have determined that
there are no other options, your family members probably won't look into it.
5
Withdraw from your relative.
It's possible that you need to distance yourself. Separation doesn't imply that you won't ever see or
address your relative. Detachment, on the other hand, entails excluding members
of your family from their manipulative actions.
• If, for instance,
your mother asks for some fashion advice about shoes, this is a normal and
healthy interaction. Respond selectively to only those things that are a part
of your family member's life or personality. Codependent behavior is when she
comes to your house to replace all of your shoes because she thinks they don't
provide enough arch support.
6
Set boundaries for yourself.
Decide what is permissible and what is not. You can decide whether or not to set those boundaries
with your family. You ought to, in any case, set aside some margin to define
limits with which you are agreeable. Think about your well-being and ask
yourself what you want to remain genuinely and intellectually solid every day.
· If,
for instance, you need to have time every evening to wind down and disconnect
for the day, establish a boundary that stipulates that you will not answer
calls, texts, or social media messages after a particular time.
· If
you decide to inform members of your family of your boundaries, be specific
about them. You don't have to legitimize them. You can simply inform a member
of your family, "I've decided I don't want to be on my phone or computer
after seven o'clock anymore." Then, at that point, remain predictable on
your new strategy, regardless of whether they contend or conflict.
7
Learn how to properly say no
A part of setting limits is saying no. Familiarity and "button-pushing" are two
characteristics of codependent relationships. "To that end in certain
circumstances, it might assist with saying no and moving away from your
mutually dependent relatives, to some extent for a brief time. Tracking down
the correct method for saying no will rely upon the circumstance, however, it
can enable you to leave when things get rough.
· At
times, when mutually dependent ways of behaving are not spiraling or
compromising your identity, you might utilize a quiet reaction. These could
incorporate, "Sorry, I just wouldn't be happy with doing that," or
"Indeed, I see that you don't have a similar perspective; We are unable to
communicate.
· In
circumstances where you feel it is essential to withdraw rapidly, a basic
"No," or "I can't do that," will work. Nobody needs an
explanation from you. Your relative might foster a genuinely charged reaction,
yet you are not committed to meeting their feelings.
8
Practice peaceful correspondence
Use language that isn't coercive or manipulative. Communication with the intention of harm is
considered violent communication. By engaging in nonviolent communication, you
can begin to break free from a codependent relationship. This can assist with
stripping the fierce correspondence of its power, and assist you with
disengaging from the controls of codependency.
· Peaceful
correspondence depends on making sense of how you feel without fault or
analysis and communicating your requirements with sympathy.
· As
an illustration, do not say, "You always try to control me! Stop!” you
might say, "When I hear you letting me know that, I feel as if I don't
have individual independence. Being able to make that kind of decision for
myself is something I value. Would you be okay with me doing that?” Utilizing
"I" proclamations conveys your point without relegating fault or
making your relatives get protective.
9
Withdraw for a more drawn-out period
Make a further stride back if things get worse. You
might not want to selectively detach from your family members if their
codependency is dictating or dominating your life. Instead, you might find that
completely disconnecting for a longer time is more beneficial. Depending on
their behavior and your needs, this could take a day or years.
· In
these situations, you can choose how detached you want to be. You could, for
instance, decide that you don't want to be with your family members alone, or
you could decide that you don't want to be with them at all.
· If
you think a situation could be dangerous, leave immediately.
10
Expect gradual change
Codependent behavior slowly changes. All things considered, your disposition can assist
with empowering change. Keep in mind, however, that change frequently includes
managing enormous feelings and defeating huge individual apprehensions. These
are difficult, and they will take time.
· At
first, mutually dependent people might respond with outrage or forceful
flare-ups. Make an honest effort to not respond to these explosions. You
shouldn't indulge in or allow these reactions to affect you because they are
driven by fear.
· Try
not to get angry when you're feeling frustrated. Instead, before you speak,
take a deep breath and consider what you will say. On the off chance that you
want to, you could pardon yourself briefly until you feel adequately quiet to
get back to the circumstance.
11
Center around your well-being and prosperity
Prioritize your needs. It can be easy to lose track of your well-being when
you're dealing with a codependent family member. Try not to let the actions of
a family member get in the way of your daily responsibilities at work and
school. Pick a few things each day that you do just for you, and stick to them.
· For
instance, you might make going for a run and then taking a hot bath an evening
routine. Search for things that both focus on your well-being and help you
unwind and segregate from the pressure of your mutually dependent relative.
· These
practices will turn into a kind of taking care of oneself, which is basic for
adapting to and continuing from codependency.
12
Act as though other family members are emotionally mature
Don't compare everyone to a single person. The fact that one member of your family is
codependent does not mean that the rest of your family will be. Make an effort
not to let your mutually dependent relative's conduct direct how you associate
with the remainder of your loved ones. Unless they give you a reason not to,
treat them as if they are emotionally mature.
· This
could mean asking someone directly for what you want instead of going through a
process of detachment to avoid manipulation.